Bittersweet

Each of our blogs has the same flow. We encounter funny or unexpected challenges, wait it out, fight it out, or otherwise overcome, and write about it to entertain all of you. And I guess that’s basically how life is here. But I think the glossy blog veneer misses out on the underlying stress of starting over.

Read a little popular science and one learns that a huge percentage of our daily lives isn’t controlled by active decision making, but rather by following learned patterns. Traveling is exhausting and stressful (even when it’s fun) because there are no learned patterns to follow – Which way to the correct train? If I eat that, will it make me sick? Is there a better / cheaper option (how much am I getting ripped off)?? 

Living in a new place includes the best and the worst of this. There are so many more things to learn when actually settling down somewhere, reaching far beyond the travel trilogy of transportation, sustenance and sleep. Daily, I feel minorly incompetent, even though we’re living here. I go on auto pilot, turn the wrong way down a street and get stuck in traffic. I buy powdered sugar at an exorbitant price at the specialty expat grocery store, thinking I won’t be able to find it elsewhere, only to spot the same quantity at ¼ the price in the local shop. I realize the power is off and I can't open the fridge. What can I make? Popcorn! Oh wait...the cooker requires power too. These seem like small things, and all of them could happen in Boston, but the shear number of decisions that need to be made from scratch each day starts to wear.

Added to this, we’re in the be-slightly-careful-what-you-say phase with most of the people we know here. The “we’re new here” honeymoon phase, when people are willing to invite you along for the sake of novelty, is over. But we don’t know people well enough to understand their full motivation, patterns, the nuances of their communication. It feels like middle school – Should I call? Or is that too forward / annoying? Should we be hurt we weren’t invited? Or was it merely circumstantial? I love making new friends in moderation, but it’s tough – especially for a long conversation person like me and an introvert like Nathaniel – to be without the relaxed familiarity of our amazing “we go way back” community.

I guess that for some people the burn of constant newness and this type of intellectual and emotional challenge is what makes them feel alive. I feel proud that we’re surviving here – that in a lot of ways we’ve succeeded in making a good life and (knock on wood) that we haven’t so far created or encountered any disasters too catastrophic – but I feel more worn down than energized by the experience as a whole. 

At least, different from pure travel, when you’re living somewhere, you do get to answer some of those questions and build new patterns.  Pay the water bill? No problem! After my journey to no fewer than three different water board offices during the month of November, I actually know my account number and the office hours and locations. The forex gives us a desk calendar for being great customers (OK, OK, we know everyone else got one too). Car problems? Danny Mora and his sons will help out. Best place to find Tahini? The 7/11, followed by the small shop in the Old Town Mall. There is great satisfaction in being able to help someone even more newly arrived navigate room rental and the bus system.

So we’ll just keep on keepin’ on – trying to expand our knowledge of this place, the culture and our new friends so that the day-to-day becomes easier with each passing month. Next challenge? Locating a decent carpenter and obtaining borrowing privileges at the library. Woot!